What a strange and terrible future we live in!

I have attempted to kill the internet in the following ways:

1. Fire
2. Convincing the president it's a threat
3. Teasing it until it becomes emotionally unstable.
4. Creating my own version of the internet to replace it (KevInternet)
5. Ignoring it.

These attempts have ultimately proven unsuccesful. The internet can not be killed (although I did steal a piece of its soul. More on that later). Because the internet is immortal, and because this blog is a part of the internet, I've decided to take this opportunity to speak to... The World of Tommorrowland!

First I'd like to speak to my Son. Son, always remember, no man is poor who has friends.

Now I would like to speak to my grandson. Grandson, I'm sorry your father went insane. I guess we'll never know why he tried to use his friends as currency. Also, in my day they only made shoes for your left foot, and we were damn glad to have them.

Now I would like to speak to my daughter. Daughter, I'm sorry you never existed.

We all know that a future robotic uprising is inevitable. It's a simple matter of mathematics. To our robotic overlords I would like to say 0100100100100000011000010110110100100000011101000110100001100101001000000101001001101111011000100110111101110100001000000100101101101001011011100110011100100001001000000101001001100101011100110111001101110101011100100111001001100101011000110111010000100000011011010110010100100001

In conclusion, REMEMBER ME!!

Bad Poems

Five minute poems are poems that you write in five minutes or less. That way you don't feel bad when the poem sucks because you didn't spend much time on it. examples:

1)
My Mind is like the Nautilus
It sails the seven sees,
My coffee tastes like phosphorous
It burns me when I pee.

2)
I'm angry angry angry
NOT!
How can I be angry when I own a yacht?

You're happy happy happy
TRUE!
When we sail on my yacht it's only me and you.

3)
My friends are flat but fair,
They compliment my hair,
My enemies are shapely,
When I go out they stare.

4)
This morning I awoke,
and found my eyes sealed shut,
"This is new" I thought,
Avoiding quite the fuss,

It's just one thing to deal with,
I shall not let it change me,
But true nature revealeth,
It turns out I'm quite crazy.

5)
I've read many a verse
And I've found my poems worse,

Those who wrote before me
would probably abhor me,

Their words are bold and daring
Mine falter when comparing,

Their rhyme schemes are complex
Mine easy to detect,

Their themes are edgy for their time
Mine just reek of turpentine.

That's what I came up with. Let's see what you can do.

Game!

I avoided writing a certain word in my previous post! See if you can guess it!

I'm Sorry

Let me start by saying that this post is long overdue. I'm sorry for that. I should have written it long ago and I take full responsibility for the fact that I didn't. I've just been very busy lately and I couldn't find time in my hectic schedule to write this post.

Sure it would be easy to blame yourself for this delay. After all, you are the main reason I didn't write sooner. You are the one who said, "don't write that post, Kevin." and "writing that post will leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied, Kevin." and let's not forget "time to choose, Kevin. Me? or writing that post?" That was one impossible ultimatum. If they adapted that ultimatum into a movie it would be called "The Impossible Ultimatum" or "Ultimatum: Impossible." But let me reiterate, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

I admit it, I dropped the ball. I screwed the pooch, blew the save, missed the shot, and popped the clutch. These things happened and they happened because of the choices I have made, but at least I'm man enough to admit it. At least I don't hang my head and skulk around the followers section, reading the words and never commenting. Just who do you think you are?

sneak.

Please forgive me.
Love, Kevin